Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize