I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
