I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
