I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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