ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
