I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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