This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
