when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
