he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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