I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
