How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
