I'm drive I can fine osifer
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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