Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
