We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Green mimosas i think yes
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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