Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
