When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
