Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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