Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
