you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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