it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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