He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
