...so i touched it.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
