what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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