You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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