i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
