I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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