Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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