I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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