I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
