This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
