he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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