corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
