But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
