i permit you to call me
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
