wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
