I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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