everyone is single if you try hard enough
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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