i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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