you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
