just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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