yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
