$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
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I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
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