Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
