girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
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Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
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Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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