suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
