so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
