I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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