One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
