the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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