A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize