Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
