she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
