Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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