Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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