he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
