which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
