I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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