I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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