planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Who died my cat blue again?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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