He kissed a someone with a penis
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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